I’ve been reading all these shitty articles about the friend zone and how it is a male social construct and so on, filled with unrealistic ranting from privileged fuckwits with nothing else to complain about in their sad meaningless lives.

Public service announcement for you arseholes denying it. The friend zone indeed DOES exist. It is not a ‘symbol of the patriarchy’ nor is it intended as some sort of guilt tripping bullshit to pull on girls that don’t want to sleep with you. It just is and does exist as exactly what is explained on the tin. A zone where people categorise those of their preferred fuckable gender that they would not have sexy time with.

If anyone feels like the term in itself is derogatory, they are an idiot. This is the same across numerous other phrases and words perceived as offensive. Offence does not come from the word or phrase, it comes from the intention of use. If you are offended by the fact the phrase exists, you are an overly sensitive cunt. Not a good cunt, as I would call my mates.

The biggest problem with the whole friend zone concept is not the person complaining about being in the friend zone, it is the dishonesty that goes with the whole social interaction. For example, you meet someone that seems pleasant enough but you are not sexually attracted to them. That’s all fine and dandy, but then you realise they have some unrequited romantic or sexual feelings for you and you do what most people do. You don’t directly address it due to the awkwardness.

Now if the friend zoned party feels rejected by this, that is perfectly normal. Humans don’t like rejection, regardless of their gender or orientation. But the conversation should be open and honest from the initial stages. The desired party should immediately tell their friend zoned compatriot that they do not feel the same way but they are quite happy to be friends, whilst acknowledging that their offer of friendship may be rejected in turn. If you are offended by someone rejecting your offer of friendship you need a good hard dose of reality.

The crux of the issue is the different way men and women perceive friendship with the opposite gender. In many cases, but not all, a man would sleep with his female friends (insert relevant sexual orientation if you’re not straight, I’m dealing with generalities and as such will discuss in majority terms). Women are less inclined to sleep with male friends for all sorts of social reasons, many of which pertains to how their broader friendship circle would view them. This is another can of worms I don’t want to open right now, but is as equally fucking stupid as complaining about the existence of the friend zone. If you want to bang, you should be allowed to without judgement. But I digress.

This is connected to something I often discuss. The biological imperative. We tend to ignore the facts of our instinctive behaviour in the modern age, because we like to believe that people are equal. There is and rightfully should be the realisation that although we should be given equal opportunities, we are not biologically the same, nor are our instinctive behaviours the same. As such, men and women most definitely view friendship in different lights.

Importantly, this does NOT mean men and women can’t be friends. That is a stupid and naive view. Nor does it mean that all men and women adhere to the generalities that I have put forward here. As we use sex as recreational entertainment, there are plenty of people who just want to fuck a lot. That is fine too. What it DOES mean is that the direct result of our instinctive behaviour drives men to find many sexual partners and women to find the best potential mate for fathering children. So this is how it plays out with friend zones.

Before you start getting all ridiculous about people being unique snowflakes and as such I cannot make generalities about people, fuck you. Yes, I can. Generalities and stereotypes exists to help us make generally true suppositions about a lot of data in a complex world when our brain does not have time to process bulk information. They exist because for the most part they are true. Science.

Men will friend zone women they do not find sexually attractive. I have done it myself on a number of occasions, but I’d happily befriend the person because I get along with them. Women do the same thing. But sometimes shit gets twisted and the intention is not purely that, particularly when we are younger and have less self-awareness. We have all seen it happen, someone stringing a hopelessly fawning moron along for the attention. Whilst that is harsh, it is true. People like attention. What a shocking realisation.

I will end this with a general announcement for those of you playing games with people or using the friend zone as a tool for your own twisted needs. STOP BEING AN ARSEHOLE. For those of you complaining about the friend zone for whatever reason, you can also STOP BEING AN ARSEHOLE. It does exist. It is a friend of the correct gender for your sexual orientation that you would not get romantic or sexy with. That is all.