When we were still in the trees flinging rocks and shit at each other, the strongest males jealously guarded their right to bang as many females as possible. This made a lot of evolutionary sense, as the strongest were invariably the most suitable to continue the species in such an environment. Beating your competition to death with their severed arm made a lot of sense.
Nowadays not so much. So why does jealousy and ego still rule many relationships. We’ve all either experienced or displayed jealousy in a relationship. I can guarantee we have all heard “who the fuck is [insert random name of opposite gender] and why are they messaging you?”, or ”they’re only being nice because they want to fuck you!”.
Jealousy is a manifestation of ego. Our ego is principally our sense of ‘self’ according to many old dudes who wrote shit about human psychology. Basically, you’re feeling devalued and undermined because your significant other has other primates sniffing around their arse. Particularly if your significant other is entertaining your competition, which is a whole different issue.
The problem with how you’re likely viewing this situation is that humans are far less governed by our instinctual behaviour than our evolutionary forefathers. We also have strong emotional responses governing our actions. Where it all comes into conflict is when we think that our emotional and instinctual responses are connected rather than mutually exclusive.
The question is, do you think your partner who claims they love you would still love you if the slept with another person? If you don’t, you really must ask yourself why. You looked after them in times of need, had endless conversations about what to eat for dinner, cried, laughed and every other emotion together. It is your ego manifesting as jealousy telling you this is a bad thing. It is the angry possessive ape in your brain screaming at you to bash your competitions head in, even if they aren’t competition at all.
So what do we do about this? Do we allow the angry ape to control our actions or do we take a different path? There is approximately a zero percent success rate for relationships that allow jealousy to govern behaviour. Think about it for yourself, do you want a relationship with a partner that constantly second-guesses your motives or questions your love for them? Of course you don’t, no one does. Unless you’re a masochist of course.
If you sit down, think and acknowledge that either you or your partner has an ego problem what do you do about it? Well that depends on the person, situation and whether said situation is redeemable. In my experience it usually isn’t something you can fix nor should you want to. Everyone is living their own journey and is ultimately responsible for their own happiness.
You may think this a little callous, but it is the truth. You can’t be expected to ‘fix’ someone and for the most part you won’t succeed. If you’ve been reading any of my other articles, you will likely see a strong theme that for the most part change comes from within. Every person is responsible for the positive changes in their lives and should not rely on others to affect that change for them.
Ego is one of the things that definitely requires an internal push to successfully limit. There is very little positive emotion derived from unrestrained ego and it almost always results in a shit load of crazy. So why would you want to allow your ego to govern your behaviour? The only conceivable reason anyone allows this to happen is a substantial lack of self-reflection.
If you are in a relationship with someone that allows their ego to roam unchecked creating a tumultuous shit storm of jealousy and rage, you really need to take a step back and ask yourself why you allow it to happen. If you are the one allowing ego to create jealousy within yourself over non-issues, you also need to take the time for some self-reflection and stop being a twat. No one ever said personal development was easy and no one is going to do the hard work for you.